LW62   Staying positive when people around you are negative

MEMORABLE PRESENTERS REMEMBER to stick to the key point of their presentation. 

Have you ever seen a speaker wander all around the point, or worse, never actually state what the point is?  

Do not let people leave wondering why they spent time listening to you.  Have easily identified key points, and make the message clear.

MEMORABLE PRESENTERS ask themselves :: What are my three or five key points exactly?  Will my audience get my message clearly, or will anyone wonder what I was trying to tell them?  

If the audience will not be able to write down three or more key points and one clear message, then as a Memorable Presenter you will need to rework your presentation.  

Consider just saying some thing like "I want to share with you three points. Point A Point B and Point C.”

and now on to Leading Ways...........

Staying positive when people around you are negative

Let’s face it.  No matter how positive we intend to be and how focused we are on attracting positive people into our lives, there are times when we will come into contact with negative people.

You know the type:  They love to talk about all the things that are going wrong in their life.

They live for the gossip about the latest tragedy in anybody’s life!  They bask in being the first to point out why a project won’t work.

When these people come into your life (they may already be there as family members!) they provide a true “test” of your ability to stay positive.

So how do you deal with these people?  How do you remain a positive when you find yourself surrounded by negative people?

Leave

Really obvious, but if possible remove yourself from their presence.  This is the easiest and often the best way to deal with the situation.  If you find yourself immersed in a coffee-pot conversation that takes a negative turn, excuse yourself as soon as you realize what’s happening.

Try to keep the conversation positive.

Can you prevail?  It’s hard I know, but if you recognize that the conversation is taking a turn for the worse, see if you can turn it back around.  Politicians call this “staying on message.”  

Your “message” is positive.  The topic doesn’t matter so much, as the tone.  So anything you can do to keep the conversation positive is staying on message.

Think of something positive in your life.

If, in spite of your efforts to stay on message, the conversation becomes negative, see if you can split your attention and allow part of your mind to wander on to something positive.

Think of it like the “picture in a picture” feature on your TV. Insert a little positive thought or memory into the big picture.

Find something positive about the person to focus on.

Everyone has something good about them.  Redeeming qualities.  They may be difficult to notice in the heat of the negative moment.  But they are there.  See if you can find one.  Maybe you like her scarf.  Maybe he just got a new hair cut that looks good.  Maybe she smells good.  Maybe he helped you move last weekend.  When you notice, and focus on something positive it neutralizes the power of the negative energy.

Leave them with their feelings.  You don’t have to own how they feel.

It makes no sense to push against this; you will only cause more resistance.  As long as you focus attention on those negative people, they will continue to have a reason to be negative (attention-seeking behavior).

So instead of focusing on the negative people in your life, continue to focus on the things that make you feel good.  In time, if you are persistent and consistent about this, maybe some of those negative people will see that you are having more fun than they are, and come over to your side.

Stop judging.

If you find yourself being judgmental, stop.  We all have moments of negativity.  And, in fact, this person’s presence in your life could be a signal that there is some negativity in your space that you are not acknowledging.  So stop judging the person and, instead, offer your gratitude for the opportunity to explore your own tendency to drift into slow mode.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you get pulled down into their low vibrations!

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, no matter how strong your intention is to stay positive, you will find yourself pulled down into that negative vibration.  Be kind on yourself.  Judging yourself will only add to the downward spiral.

Probably one of the hardest things we must do as leaders is to stay positive when everyone else around us is negative.  It's not easy to maintain a positive attitude and not be drained or consumed by the negativity that surrounds you. But as a leader, that's exactly what you must do.

Here’s what you can do to be a positive force

1. Observe yourself in action.  Are you listening to gossip or participating in conversations where the only focus is to denigrate, diminish, or criticize people or things?  Stop saying or doing anything that is negative.

2. Recognize negativity when it occurs around you.  Sometimes, you can even feel your energy being drained by the words being spoken.  If it feels bad or uncomfortable then it's negative.  The first step is being aware.

3. Speak up!  Tell the other person how you feel.  Use the words,  "This doesn't work for me."   People often don't realize they are being negative.  Point out to the person that they are being negative, but in a gentle and caring way.  "Do you realize you are complaining?"  If you say nothing, then your silence gives them permission to continue.

4. Make your conversations constructive, meaning that the conversation should be positive, meaningful, and beneficial.  What's the point or purpose of the conversation?  At the end of the conversation, what would you like to have happen?  Is there an action step to take?  

Constructive conversations have the effect of leaving people a little better off from having participated in them.

5. Offer praise!  It's amazing what a few words of praise or acknowledgement can do to make people feel good.  You want people to feel good after being in your presence.  You want to be the kind of person people gravitate to because they know they will be uplifted by you, not put down or drained of their energy.

So when others are negative, stretch your boldness muscles and be positive in spite of what others do or think.  It takes a true leader to walk a path different from the crowd.  It's the only way to create a ripple of change.

Finally, learn to operate Above the Line

If we are Below the Line when something goes wrong, we justify, make excuses, or look to blame others.  We feel guilty, anxious, frustrated, and angry.

So why do we go there?

We think that by making an excuse, avoiding or justifying, we won’t look bad to others.  But here’s the rub – when we are Below the Line we actually end up looking really bad!  We erode trust.  We’re being a victim.

When we operate Above the Line we look to take responsibility for things that happen around us.

It’s not to say that we’re totally responsible for everything!  But being Above the Line means engaging in the question  “What’s my contribution to what has happened?”

It may be that your contribution is 80% or 20% or 5%

So why be Above the Line?

Lots of reasons:  it feels better because we feel more in control; we learn from the experience; and it builds trust.

So, where are you, or others? 
Below the Line?
What’s the impact,
and what can you do about it?

Have a great week,

Denis Orme
027-472-8610

Looking for a speaker for your next business meeting? 
For a list of typical presentations go here
or contact denis.orme@yahoo.com