LW60 - Feedback should always be constructive

MEMORABLE PRESENTERS REMEMBER that continuous eye contact gives you the opportunity to truly “have a conversation with friends.”   Even if you are reading from materials, look up from your notes every 10-20 seconds and make eye contact with some other part of the audience.  Eye contact to people on your left, eye contact in the centre, and then eye contact to your right.

MEMORABALE PRESENTERS also remember to speak more slowly, and clearly than they normally would

and now on to Leading Ways ...

... Feedback should always be constructive

Feedback is a way to let people know how effective they are in what they are trying to accomplish, and/or how they impact on you. 

If we know how other people see us, we can overcome problems in our behaviour or communication.Feedback is an important part of our communication process. 

Without feedback we don’t know when we’ve done something well, or could perhaps improve upon something.

All of us offer opinions about others' beliefs, values, and behaviors.  Some of our opinions are well thought out; yet, others are more spontaneously offered.

Feedback is our judgement given for the purposes of:

• offering receivers an external view of their performance to  compare  with their own view of their work;
• helping the receiver recognize or interpret ways to improve the past in their personal life and/or ways to improve on future attempts;
• demonstrating to receivers that they are worthy as a person, and  
• being encouraging, affirming, and supportive for the purpose of building confidence.

At times, not always intentionally, our comments belittle or demean receivers.

An example of this kind of demeaning feedback could be where a supervisor commented on a written office procedure ….”I think your procedure is good, but may I suggest some further specific examples be included on page 3.”  

The way this suggestion is made points to a potential deficiency while adding a positive view of the work. Less constructive feedback could have been phrased more bluntly,  "You don't use enough examples."

Often we are just not aware of the perceived demeaning nature of our words.  Suggestion – run through your potential feedback session with someone not involved in the session you will be running.  Unemotionally, they will give you their first reaction.

Receivers of the feedback should resist being dogmatic, rigid, or overly ego-involved with their work.  Most of all, they should listen if they want to improve.  It doesn’t mean you should accept all feedback ---- but listen, and evaluate.

Many people find it much easier to give feedback when it is positive rather than when it is negative.  Both positive and negative feedback is useful in both our personal lives, and our work because it helps us become aware of ourselves, to determine the consequences of our actions and to change or modify our behaviour.

Giving and receiving feedback are skills that can be learned and once practiced, are extremely useful. 

GIVING FEEDBACK

Some people deliver feedback with relish; after all, it's easier to give advice than take it.  Some use feedback as a weapon, or play the blame game.

How you deliver the feedback is as important as the feedback itself.  To deliver effective feedback you must be unhurried, focussed,  sensitive, and honest.

• Ask the other person if you can give them feedback.  If they say no, respect that this may not be a good time.  Agree on a more convenient time.
• Time it – feedback [whether positive or negative] should be given as soon as possible after the situation being described.
• Don’t give someone feedback when either of you are angry, or if the other person is not ready for it.
• Clarity -- Be clear about what you want to say.
• Start by delivering praise regarding that person’s performance in other areas.
• Be specific -- Avoid general comments and describe as objectively and unemotionally as possible what you saw the person do, or heard the person say.  Stay away from labels that are unclear or ambiguous.  Words like “unprofessional” or “irresponsible” are not descriptive.
• Direct the feedback at things the person can change, not at something which the person has little or no control over.
• Focus on behaviour rather than the person.  i.e., don’t say things like “I think you are lazy.”  perhaps rephrase to “I noticed that you don’t seem to be as motivated as you were last month. 

Pause -  pauses are powerful and provide the opportunity for the other person to explain why perhaps they are not working as hard.  If you own the silence, you own the conversation again !

• Own the feedback you are providing, and don’t duck for cover -- Use ‘I’ statements, rather than saying things like “you have been observed…..”
• Therefore when giving use “I” statements in order to describe how the behaviour is affecting you. For example:

“When you ……………………………. I feel   ……………………. because ……………………..”
For example ::
 “When you show up late to staff meetings I feel frustrated because it means you missed the discussion about our teamwork.”

• Avoid generalizations – don’t use words like “all,” “never,” “always,” etc.  Also I suggest you stay away from words that express judgment.  For example, words like “good,” “bad,” “should,” or “must” typically are not constructive.
• Seek the person’s explanation and understanding.  Do they understand the need to change?
• I suggest you guide people to their solutions, and not yours.  ASK: “In making a change, what options would you consider?”  Once they have provided suggestions, probe each one until they recommend a workable solution and solid reasons for the option they have chosen. 
• If you feel the need to give advice rather than the person coming to their own conclusion and solutions, be careful  --  People rarely struggle with an issue because of the lack of information; often, the best help is helping the person to come to a better understanding of their issue, how it developed, and how they can identify actions to address the issue more effectively or prevent it recurring.
• Of course don’t forget to explore how success will feel for the person.  When people are emotionally attached to their decision to change they will strive harder to change, or to be successful.

Finally, when providing feedback and at the end of the conversation praise the person on some other aspect of his/her performance.  In that way they will feel they have had a balanced conversation, and therefore are more likely to act on your suggestion.    

In simple terms start the feedback session by commending (praising), then recommend areas for improvement and wrap-up the session with praise [another commendation].

RECEIVING FEEDBACK

Some people look at feedback as criticism, and don't want to hear it.  Others see it as a confirmation of their low self-worth.  Others may only want to hear praise, and not be open to suggestions for improvement.

I believe it comes down to whether you believe feedback will harm you or benefit you.  

Feedback is a two-way conversation with the person receiving the feedback needing time to reflect and consider the information being shared.  Some suggestions on how to receive feedback include:

• Listen carefully to what the giver has to say and don’t interrupt.   Think about the source – “Is the person giving me the feedback a good role model, and are they trying to help me?”
• Make an effort not to be defensive.  Keep an open mind.
• To help you understand, politely seek examples of the behaviour at issue.
• Use your own words to summarise what you understand the giver of the feedback to be saying. This should prevent misunderstandings.
• It is okay to share your feelings about the feedback, without being defensive.
• You decide what you should take from the feedback, and how perhaps you should modify or change your behaviour. This may mean giving yourself some time to think about what you heard.
• Devote your energy to finding areas for improvement [rather than disputing observations] made by someone who is trying to be helpful.
• And of course if you are receiving praise don’t just shrug it off “Oh, it was nothing” accept the praise, after all you deserve it.

CONCLUSION

When you think of feedback words like, Direct, Specific, Supportive, Considerate, and Helpful should immediately spring to mind.  The goal through feedback being co-operation, and not confrontation.

Feedback is always meant to be positive. 

The goal is to improve the current situation or performance
– the goal is never to criticize or offend.

Feedback is a must for people who want to have honest relationships.  A powerful and important means of communication.  Feedback connects us, and our behaviour, to the world around us. …. Often I refer to it as having an “unreasonable friend.”

Remember  ::   Motivation comes from within  ::: guide people to their, [not your] solutions; and success!

If you don't like something change it;
if you can't change it,
change the way you think about it.
- Mary Engelbreit

Have a great week,

Denis Orme
027-472-8610

Looking for a speaker for your next business meeting? 
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