LEADING WAYS NEWSLETTER #51

The next time you listening to a top presenter, what is it you notice about them? Yes, it is their appearance.

TOP PRESENTERS are always smartly groomed, and will have dressed one level above their audience. If you are smart casual, they will be dressed in a suit.

Additionally, they wear minimal jewellery…. Too distracting from their message.

REMEMBER, for your next presentation – dress to impress, it will add power to your words.

Fear is your invitation from Life to develop courage, character, and your personal values of what you stand for or believe in……or to know when to take action when it isn’t always safe, known, or popular to do so.

Sometimes we choose caution. We are afraid of appearing either too conservative or too radical. We preserve our reputations, but at what price? Sometimes the price we pay is appearing passionless or unmemorable.

The answer to "What will people think?" is that they will think nothing. If we refuse to take a stand we go unnoticed. We do not stand out in a crowd. It’s a courageous act to take a stand.

Courageous people trust their intuition. (gut feelings – usually based on our experiences) Their strength of character draws people to them. Some are quietly courageous, while others are bolder.

I am not a risk-taker. Well, I probably am but I always know the down-side of something before I start. I ask myself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?”

Often by asking this question I find that the potential downside is quite low; and this knowledge gives me the confidence to move forward.

Your friends; your family; a sense that failure – or success – which may change your life and make you feel uncomfortable? A sense that the people around you might disapprove of what you are aiming for, or want?

It boils down to fear. For some of us this can be a big roadblock, and one that keeps us from getting what we want.

Common negative talk involves telling yourself “I can’t,” when you say to yourself “I can’t” or “it is too difficult”, you are creating a barrier.

Having such a mental block will prevent you from achieving a task you could otherwise succeed at.

Anytime you catch yourself saying “I can’t…”, turn around and challenge your own claim with, “Why can’t I?”

Courage is letting go of what others think you should be, and showing who you are.

It does not mean ignoring feedback but looking at the feedback source and recognising whether it is an opinion you value, and therefore one you should take into account.

If so, then take notice by modifying your approach slightly, and then Standing Tallwith your decision.

Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.
- Cheri Huber

Courageous leaders love the adrenaline, while others are more calculated and are quietly certain of the outcome. I fall in the latter camp of knowing my downside risk before I act.

Martin Luther King, Jr. seemed to have a second-sense when he said, "I have seen the promise land. I may not get there with you."

Despite the prophecy he stayed very public so that others might live more fully, more freely when at the time he simply could have withdrawn. He had probably felt the fear of some impending threat or risk, but remained open to the vulnerability.

Taking risks is one of the best routes to developing self-confidence and appearing more genuine.

Courageous people learn to use fear as the foundation for leadership. As people act on their courage, they rarely eradicate fear from their lives, but with practice channel that fear towards productive ends.

Self-talk was something I never used to believe in, but now I’m a believer……..not only you are what you eat, but also you become what you think.

As an example if your fear is in relation to speaking in public then it would not make a lot of sense to just launch off and try to give a first presentation in front of 150-200 people. In order to overcome your fear you may wish to:

        i.    Prepare and rehearse a presentation and deliver it in front of a mirror; and
       ii.    Then present it to a friend who is prepared to give you real and balanced feedback; before
      iii.    Presenting it to a small group, or at Toastmasters; then
      iv.    Delivering the same presentation successfully in front of your large audience.

Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take.

The first step is one of awareness. It will be hard to make change to positive thinking without being acutely aware with thoughts that consistently run through our mind.

Not dissimilar to better time management, in that if you want to be more effective in how you use your time; you first need to understand how you spend your time presently.

Replacing negative thoughts with positive statements of a desired outcome or goal will move you towards greater courage. Your affirmations should be short, believable and focused. By repeating them over and over again, you are lodging them in your subconscious mind.

Can you remember when you were looking to buy a particular brand of car, say a green Holden? From that point you start seeing green Holden’s everywhere.

Everything I've ever done was out
of fear of being mediocre.
-- Chet Atkins

Too many “I will’s,” rather than “I can” will derail you. Your mind gets caught up in an endless stream of worry about how you are going to accomplish a whole range of goals.

If you find yourself becoming stuck, stop and say, “What can I do right now towards my goal?”

A present tense message I used to good affect was in relation to when I wanted to run a half marathon in under 90 minutes. My self-talk goal was “I am a sub-90 minute half-marathoner.” And yes, I achieved my goal. Positive present-tense self-talk and commitment to a written training plan enabled my success.

4. A Further Building-Block Is To Replace Negative Influences With Positive Ones

I don’t know about you, but there is nothing worse than being around negative people. They just drain you with their endless negativity; or unless you are careful you can start to mirror their negative thoughts.

Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What can be the worst that can happen? Take a step-by-step approach in breaking down your fears and see if there is any way round to look at things more positively.

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have
- and -
and underestimate the value of
what they may gain by giving that up.“

— James Belasco and Ralph Stayer
— Flight of the Buffalo (1994)

When you confront your fears, you will often realize that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you think. In fact, the benefits of change are worth the risk. Your inner talk begins to change at this point.

- Talk openly about your fears. Not many people you meet will think you are weird. Talk to your friends and family. They love you. You trust them and they will support you. It's a safe place to be.

It is much easier to have a positive attitude if you focus on the enjoyable moments in life, rather than the difficult ones. Choose to fill your mind with positive images and thoughts. Make it a conscious habit. For a start, be grateful for what you presently have.

Ø Stop complaining about everyone else. If you don’t like what you see then change your environment.

Ø Be patient and have compassion with yourself. Change takes time, and many of you have heard me talk about the steps to successful self-change. One on those steps is practicing the new behaviour for at least 45 days. [email me if you would like the article Successful self-change].

Ø Use physical exercise. Any form of regular exercise is beneficial for stress relief, depression and overcoming your fears. Even if you are just out walking you can soak in your environment; or if you have a Walkman powerful inspiring music can lift your spirits and your attitude.

Ø Eat well. I should talk! I’m a junk food lover. That aside, healthy eating habits will provide the balance you need. Healthy food is the other part of “You are what you think and eat.”

Ø Smile more. Just another way of changing your attitude and being more positive at a time when you are trying to overcome your fears. Smile, even if it is only at yourself in the mirror. It's good for you.

Ø Have a written plan. A goal without a written plan is merely a day-dream. Keeping a notebook of ideas, lists and goals is great for overcoming fears. It's fun and very rewarding to cross off your accomplishments one-by-one. Making progress; small step-by-small step progress.

Ø Stay you. The best thing you have going for you is being yourself. One of my big mistakes was trying to be someone else when I was delivering a presentation… I bombed so badly! Be in love with yourself and remember how great you are. Just be you.

Perhaps now is the right time to stop waiting, --or-- stop reading personal development books, articles and blogs.

One way to get moving is to replace some of your negative thoughts – that create negative feelings – with clear, positive reasons to get going.

Take 5 minutes. Take out a piece of paper and a pen. And write down all the wonderful ways --- how making this change will improve your life.

This will help you to overcome any lack of motivation you may have. It will help you to become clear on your motivation to change by overcoming your fears. Know why it is you actually need to change, and then move forward with your plan.

But being “in the now” means not dwelling on what has gone wrong before, or what could go wrong tonight or tomorrow. Your brain will start to over-analyze, which leads for many of us, to a negative, downward spiral of thoughts. That kind of thinking ramps up your fear to the point where you may become immobilised.

If you were rejected for date, did you give up? Probably not, but you may have reflected on how you do the asking, in order to be more successful next time.

If you have already identified the worst that could possibly happen if you fail or are rejected then probably the consequences are not that bad.

Remember Thomas Edison? When interviewed by a young reporter and asked if he felt like a failure and if he thought he should just have given up…..perplexed, Edison replied, "Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp."

Denis Orme

027-472-8610
www.leader-success.com
p.s., Call me if you are looking for a speaker for your next business meeting.