LEADING WAYS NEWSLETTER # 37

 Speaker Tip of the Month

MEMORABLE PRESENTERS REMEMBER THAT AS AN EXECUTIVE REACHES MIDDLE MANAGEMENT AND BEYOND, THE PRIMARY CRITERIA FOR ADVANCEMENT ARE COMMUNICATION AND MOTIVATION SKILLS, RATHER THAN BASIC JOB PERFORMANCE.

Relationships with peers and superiors are also critical.  Your bottom line ?  Remember that top management promotes people it likes, so how visible are your activities and results to senior management?

Are there additional ways where you can openly communicate how you build strong terms, and produce results?

And now on to Leading Ways ::::

If only others understood !

part. 2

Remember, communication involves at least two (2) people who want to successfully communicate with each other, either verbally or non verbally.   It is the exact message being sent by the sender, received and understood by the receiver.

Last month we covered The Top 10 Barriers to Communication, Using Your Voice Effectively, Active Listening and Questioning.  This month we focus on Body Language, Assertive and Aggressive Communication.

Body language accounts for 55% of what we hear

The components of body language include ::

• Eye contact – steady , eye contact, never looking at the other person
• Facial expressions – do your words match your facial expression?
• Gestures – expansive, or closed
• Posture – does your posture instill confidence in others ?
• Touching – make sure it is appropriate
• Space – for most, being too close is considered an invasion of space.

Knowing that body language accounts for 55% of what is ‘heard’ then you should get feedback on what your body language conveys.

“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and
make your dreams come true."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now that we have refreshed our memory on communication basics we can now turn our attention to the styles of communication.

Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.

Assertive Communication

The most effective and healthiest form of communication is the assertive style.  It is how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving us the confidence to communicate without games and manipulation.

When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions.

We communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly.  We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation.  We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us.

Surprisingly, assertive is the style most people use least.


Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger).

Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war), it never works in a relationship.

Healthy communication is the ability to let others know your needs, concerns, and feelings in an open and honest way. 

For me, there is no doubt that the assertive communication style is the only way to effectively deal with the difficult people in our lives.

When we are assertive we choose to handle ourselves, our reactions, our relationships, and stressful situations in a healthy, responsible, and non-manipulative manner. We understand that we have choices. Remember that you will be treated exactly as you feel you deserve to be treated.

Communication is a learned skill and we should model assertive communication to our children so they can learn to handle conflict and therefore sustain healthy relationships.

Assertive people ask questions, seek answers, look at all points of view, and engage in meaningful, open-ended dialogue without anger, hurt feelings, prejudice or defensiveness.

Does that sound like the typical exchange we hear today?

What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are."
-  F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940) American novelist

We see examples of non-assertive communication everyday.  For example, if two employees cannot seem to work together, they're rescheduled or reassigned to different shifts, floors, or departments to avoid having them work together.  

The message is clear: do not confront, mediate, or learn to communicate; simply separate and avoid the problem.  That is not compromise and collaboration through an assertive style, and one which results from an assertive style.

Each of us is responsible for our present behaviour, and remember that no-one can do anything to us without our permission.  If we want to neutralize difficult people, we must commit to communicating assertively.

It's up to you...

Self-respect is the true key to developing and maintaining healthy relationships.  Our relationships with others mirror our relationship with ourselves.  Self-esteem develops when we consistently strive to make healthy, fair, and ethical choices.

Assertiveness is more than just words.  You must have a belief in yourself that radiates through your voice, gestures, tone, attitude, and body language that says, "I am a worthy person and I will be treated respectfully."

Self-respect is where assertiveness begins and manipulation ends.

Take Action!

So what is communication all about?  Essentially, it is about applying our interpersonal skills, our verbal and our non-verbal communication when interacting with others. 

Communication connects us with everything we do; whether it is writing, giving presentations, and running meetings, resolving conflict, leading a team, negotiating or dealing with customers.

The more communication skills we have, the greater likelihood we will be able to communicate effectively in a range of situations.  So, putting down the txting, forget the keyboard and start re-engaging in gold old f2f communication.

People relate to, and do business with those they like and trust.  So it’s time to re-engage in face-to-face conversation.

The benefits of great communication are obvious.  Improved morale, a great sense of belonging, better teamwork, improved productivity and saved time and effort are some of the of the more obvious.

And finally, keep remembering that :: Great Leaders are Great Communicators

 " We never know what life may bring,
so we must bring all we can to the lives of others."

Have a great week, and month.

Regards

Denis Orme
027-472-8610